SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings
Do you:
- feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
- avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
- feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
- believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
- feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Does your partner:
- humiliate, criticize, or yell at you?
- treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
- ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
- blame you for his own abusive behavior?
- see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats
Does your partner:
- have a bad and unpredictable temper?
- hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
- threaten to take your children away or harm them?
- threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
- force you to have sex?
- destroy your belongings?
Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner:
- act excessively jealous and possessive?
- control where you go or what you do?
- keep you from seeing your friends or family?
- limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
- constantly check up on you?
Partner abuse has one purpose: to maintain total control of the victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers may use the following tactics to exert power and control:
- Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession
- Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he
can to make you feel bad about yourself or defective in some way.
After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will
want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling,
shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to
erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless
- Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.
- Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child protective services.
- Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety
of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such
tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing
things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or
putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't
obey, there will be violent consequences.
- Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.
(from www.helpguide.org)
© 2009 The Savannah Chatham Family Violence Council Web Site by Studio Martin
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